Ashes

Ash Wednesday (ăsh) n. In the Western Church, the first day of Lent, being the seventh Wednesday before Easter. On this day ashes are placed on the foreheads of the faithful to remind them of death, of the sorrow they should feel for their sins, and of the necessity of changing their lives. The practice, which dates from the early Middle Ages, is common among Roman Catholics, Anglicans and Episcopalians, and many Lutherans.

Today I went to my first Ash Wednesday Mass EVER (see February entry On Becoming Catholic for full explanation). I woke up excited this morning for my first big Catholic test. I had made my final determination of what I would give up for Lent. For consideration was going without dessert (read chocolate) or alchohol (certainally not both!). I went with alchohol because, frankly, that is the more painful choice for me. I haven't gone without booze for 1 week (much less 6 weeks) since the day I turned 21. Having a nice glass of chianti every evening (maybe 2) is something I look forward to. A lot. This could be challenging but I felt ready.

During the Mass, my favorite Priest, the young Korean, gave a stirring homily (sermon) regarding the 3 most important things you can do during Lent and Ash Wednesday. I leaned forward in my pew confidant that I was going to get an "A." First he talked about "giving alms" or donating more during Lent. Fine, I pulled out my checkbook and wrote an nice fat check. Then he discussed extra prayers. Easy as well. And he ended with the benefits of fasting. Fasting? Nobody had mentioned this to me. Was I supposed to be fasting? Honestly, there are so many subtle rules to being Catholic, just when I think I have it down, I get thrown a curve ball.

After the service, I got on my cell phone and called my Sponsor. "Are we supposed to be fasting today?" I yelled into the phone, genuinely upset that I was already breaking the rules.

"Yeah. On Ash Wendnesday and Good Friday you fast." Then she muttered some gibberish about you can have one meal but if you have two other meals they can't be as big as the one combined. Or something like that. I looked it up later that evening in a book called "Catholocism for Dummies" and it still doesn't make sense to me.

"You sure are a crappy sponsor." She just laughed at me.

Next I called my husband. "Hey, I didn't know that we were supposed to be fasting on Ash Wednesday. Why didn't you tell me?"

"I can't talk right now, I'm at lunch," he whispered into the phone. I hung up.

Ash Wednesday is also especially significant for me because it kicks off Lent which is the 6 weeks leading up to Holy Saturday (the day before Easter) and the day I become Catholic. We're in crunch time now and my RCIA instructors are carefully monitoring attendance and demeanor -- ascertaining who is worthy and who will have to wait till next year.

I am behaving duitifully and doing everything requested. Right before Ash Wednesday Mass I had a meeting with the Director of the Adult Faith Formation Program at my church. This is the critical meeting where she tells me how I am doing with the program and discusses my readiness for becoming Catholic. Turns out, I had nothing to worry about. She opened the meeting immediatley by stating how reliable and dependable I am and that she has no concerns about me. But did I have any questions as we head into Lent?

Well, just one question. "There is one thing. As the parent of a young boy, the pedophile priests bother me. I have to answer questions from my friends who wonder why I would be getting involved with an organization that has these types of problems. I personally know why I am doing this . . ." I paused and let the sentance hang in the air.

My Director gazed down, lost in thought for a moment. Finally she looked up, drew a deep breath and said "That's a fair question. It was heartbreaking when it happened a few years ago and all the stories started coming out. We had a deep sense of betrayal and of loss. It was a loss of innocence and a loss of trust. We grieved."

"I organized a Town Hall meeting with the parishioners and our Priest. I kept it very controlled because emotions were running so high. I had everyone submit questions in advance and I would read them off and hand them to the Priest to answer. We went through all the questions one by one. Then people were welcome to express any additional thoughts they had. By the time we got to the open mike portion of the agenda, a lot of the anger and emotion had been diffused. The meeting seemed to help. I won't defend the church. But I also know that other organizations have their problems too. But the problem had been ignored or hidden for so long by the Bishops and higher ups, that when it all broke, it was like a volcano erupting. Everything had built up for so long and was a much bigger situation than if the bad Priests had been dealt with properly in the beginning."

"Letting children be harmed is inexcusable," I said, and she nodded agreement. "But it helps me to understand how it was handled here at this church (my new church). Do you think the rule will ever be changed?"

"Which rule?" she asked.

"The rule that says Priests can't get married. If that rule was changed, I think the whole problem would be solved."

"Yes," she shot back quickly. "They could change that rule with a snap of their fingers," she said as she snapped her fingers. "It isn't even Catholic dogma. It hasn't existed forever. I think it will be changed because of the Priest crisis."

"Crisis?" I sensed I was about to get more new information about being Catholic.

"Yes, there aren't enough Priests. Especially in the United States. To get new Priests, this rule has to change. And I believe it will be changed." She paused suddenly, looking a little defeated, "But I don't think we'll see it change in our lifetimes."

"Thank you," I replied quietly, "that was my only question."